Altruistic Vessel

Baseball Game Photos

2007-10-01T23:05:00.000-04:00

In July, Chris, Kim, Dan and I went to Frisco to a ballgame. We had a fabulous time, but I can't tell you who won!

After Chemo Party

2007-09-16T23:15:00.002-04:00

Yea!!!! I finished my courses of radiation and chemotherapy two weeks ago. I had my friends come over to my house and help me celebrate. We had a fun time painting our fingernails and toenails. Kim's toes are in the white flip flops. SaraBeth displays her lovely thumbnails. We had a fun time learning some ab workout bellydancing moves. Check out these sexy ladies

There were facials such as those done at the exclusive spas. Honest. I wouldn't try to make anyone look foolish! These masks consist of banana, oatmeal, honey and yogurt, just like in the top dollar spas!

We also decided to simulate a nose piercing, since someone in the group left to get the real thing. Hmmm, who would that be. You guessed it, my 18 year old daughter. She started a trend. I think we look quite lovely. We finished the day by watching Antonio Banderas in Take the Lead.

Before Chemo Party

2007-09-10T22:59:00.000-04:00

On July 5, 2007, I received a phone call from the GI dr. telling me that the results of my colonoscopy came back positive for squamous cell cancer of the rectum and that it was poorly differentiated and showed invasion of my lymph system. A few hours later I was in the office of a colorectal surgeon who proceeded to examine my bum and explained my options. He then arranged for my other surgeon to do my remove my gallbladder asap and place a mediport for the chemo. The day after my surgery it was off to the races, so to speak. I met with my radiation oncologist and the next day with the oncologist and my treatments was planned. I was given a week to recuperate before chemo and radiation was to begin. I decided to have a before chemo party to have a little pampering fun before the treatments began. It was truly a lot of fun.

Judging Others

2007-02-01T22:26:00.000-05:00

Many worthwhile thoughts upon which I have feasted all week were shared last weekend among the Body meeting at Don & Julie's. One thought in particular has continually resonated in my mind. Annette said that when someone feels judged by someone else, fear and separation result in the relationship. This includes if someone perceives that they have been judged, whether or not their perception is true. I have really seen this principle in action in the behavior of my children, co-workers, and even myself. And yet who am I to judge anyone? There are so many factors to consider as to why people act the way they do, and I do not possess the ability to accurately assess all the variables involved. To further demonstrate this point I have included several points from an article entitled Probing Inappropriate Rage written by William J. Cromie published in the Harvard University Gazette (8/26/2004):

The researchers asked the question, "What was the difference between people who controlled their anger pretty well, and those who could not handle it in a socially acceptable way?" They found that when normal subjects experienced anger, blood flow was increased to the reasoning area of the brain. This inhibited thoughts of rage, while blood flow increased to the area of the brain that deals with emotion and vigilance simultaneously.
Those who suffered from both depression and rage had a decreased blood flow to both the orbitofrontal cortex and the amgdala resulting in a decreased "ability to control impulsive acts and their feelings about the consequences of those acts, say punching someone in the mouth. There is both a lack of emotion and a lack of control. A double hit that adds up to inappropriate, even violent rage. "
" Those with major depression who are free of anger attacks show a lack of activity in both brain areas; both their feelings and reasoning about anger are deadened. "

The following story is also included in the article which I think further demonstrates the point that behavior is more complex than many of us may have given thought to, and should perhaps give us cause to rethink any judgements we may have made regarding others.

"There's the classic story of Phineas Gage, a 19th century railroad man who - in a freak accident - had a metal tamping rod driven through his skull just above his left eye. Gage survived but his easygoing personality did not. He went from a mild-manned, well-liked, and admired man to a violent, unstable brute, hated and avoided by all who knew him. The tamping rod had destroyed his cerebral center of anger inhibition behind his forehead. " (http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/2004/08.26/01-anger.html)

A Taste of Heaven

2007-01-21T23:53:00.000-05:00

I so enjoyed the saints gathering on Saturday evening at Lon and Bonnie's. What a pleasant surprise to see Andy and Robyn! Laughter characterized the evening as well as much singing. I must have had the best seat in the house, being seated next to Dan on my left, Andy behind me, Robyn to my right and I could hear Kim's alto harmony in front of me...it was like surround sound by these very gifted songbirds. During the singing of You're the Fire, The Happy Song, Peace Be Still, and a couple of others, I really sensed the strength of the Holy Spirit and felt like I was experiencing the heavenly realm intensely in those moments. I love this song, though I like The Happy Song best, but don't have the words to it yet:

One Body, One Spirit, One Faith, One Lord, One People, One Nation, One New Man
Your Body, Your Spirit, Your Faith, You are Lord, Your People, Your Nation, Your New Man

Look at all of us, in the eyes of God, There's no ugly stain, only Jesus Christ
In the other realm, there's no death or pain, Just the love of Christ for His only Bride

When Things Get Hard...Take a Bath and Other Cheery Advice

2007-01-07T22:07:00.000-05:00

Taking a bath won't change anything, but...
When you are in the bathtub, you are not responsible for anything -
you are wet, for example, so no one can ask you to do anything... you can't do homework in there, because your papers will get wet..you can't answer the phone... or read any e-mail... or assignments... or messages... or...
... Maybe it should be a long bath!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~
Don't think that it's such a terrible thing to get sad or down or to stop believing in sunshine for a while. Don't worry too much if you feel empty or lost or you can't make yourself want to smile. Don't think that it's not okay to sit a day out, or to be scared or tired or blue. Everybody gets sad sometimes. And crying and hurting - just like laughing and dreaming - are just things that people do.
*******************************************************

The love of a friend: to see each other through good days and bad days, a hand to hold, a heart to lend... someone you can always count on to celebrate and find rainbows with... there is no treasure more special.

Quoted from Girls Rule...a very special book created especially for girls
by Ashely Rice

2007-01-06T10:38:00.000-05:00

All Love Can Be

I will watch you in the darkness
Show you love will see you through
When the bad dreams wake you crying
I'll show you all love can do
All love can do

I will watch through the night
Hold you in my arms
Give you dreams where love will be
I will watch through the dark
'Til the morning comes

All the light
I'll take you through the night to see
A light showing us all love can be
I will guard you with my bright wings
Stay 'til your heart learns to see
All love can be...

sung by Charlotte Church in A Beautiful Mind

2007-01-05T22:55:00.000-05:00

Mad World

Sung by Gary Jules in Donny Darko

All around me are familiar faces.

Worn out places, worn out faces.

Bright and early for their daily races.

Going nowhere, going nowhere.

Their tears are filling up their glasses.

No expression, no expression.

Hide my head. I want to drown my sorrow.

No tomorrow, no tomorrow.

And I find it kinda funny,

I find it kinda sad.

The dreams in which I'm dyin'

Are the best I've ever had.

I find it hard to tell you,

I find it hard to take.

When people run in circles, it's a very very...

Mad world, mad world.

Children waiting for the day they feel good.

Happy birthday, happy birthday.

Made to feel the way that every child should.

Sit and listen, sit and listen.

Went to school and I was very nervous.

No one knew me, no one knew me.

Hello teacher. Tell me, what's my lesson.

Look right through me, look right through me.

And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad.

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had.

I find it hard to tell you,

I find it hard to take.

When people run in circles, it's a very very...

Mad world, mad world.

Enlarging your world.

Mad world.

2007-01-05T22:18:00.000-05:00

Resurrection

by Nicole Sponberg
I'm at a loss for words; there's nothing to say

I sit in silence wondering what lead me to this place

How did my heart become so lifeless and cold

Where did the passion go?

When all my efforts seem like chasing the wind

I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give

I've lost the feeling and I'm numb to the core

I can't fake it anymore

Here I am at the end

I'm in need of resurrection

Only You can take this emtpy shell and raise it from the dead

What I lost to the world, what seems far beyond redemption

You can take the pieces in Your hand

And make me whole again

You speak and all creation falls to it's knees

You raise Your hand and calm the waves of a raging sea

You have a way of turning winter to spring

Make something beautiful out of all this suffering

Here I am once again

I'm in need of resurrection

Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead

What I lost to the world, what seems far beyond redemption

You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again
You have a way of turning winter to spring

Make something beautiful out of all this suffering
I'm in need

Beholding

2007-01-03T20:00:00.000-05:00

In Max Lucado's book, It's Not About Me, he discusses how we are like God's mirrors. He reminds the readers, " Upon beholding God, Moses could not help but reflect God. The brightness he saw was the brightness he became. Beholding led to becoming. Becoming led to reflecting."

By remembering this point, I look upon all of His creation. Every single person was designed to express God uniquely. There is a scripture that says to "know one another according to the Spirit"...when we behold the beauty of our Lord, we begin to recognize Him in the vessels He has made. It is so powerful to see Him as He is reflected in others. Everytime I see Him I fall in love with Him deeper and deeper. I could spend eternity simply gazing upon Him. But I have the chance to behold Him right here, right now by looking at those He has made and discovering Him behind the veil of human masks.

What a Wedding

2007-01-01T12:13:00.000-05:00

What an incredible evening to share with our beloved friends. How we have missed seeing all of you as we did in the days when we first met. This wedding is so symbolic to me of our relationship with you. We met for the first time on Feb. 13 almost five years ago. From then on, it was an exciting and passionate journey we shared. How I remember the days you cared for me during my months of illness and recuperation, driving from great distances to care for my wounds and feed my family. Truly I have never experienced the depth of relationship in the body as I have with you corporately.

But the dynamics of our group changed and so did the expectations. Though I was personally willing to move into the 'hood, as a family, we were not. It seems that from that point on, we were rejected and we have experienced a cordial 'separation' for the past two years. However, this wedding felt like we have re-united, rekindling the feelings of earlier days with of all of you.

I want to say thank you to Kim, for inviting us and for so openly declaring at Lucy's graduation party that she missed us, loved us and wanted us to come back. How I have missed you, Kim. Your inner beauty is exceeded by no one, never hesitating for one moment to express your heart without any reserve towards others. The love that fills you spills onto all who know you!

I appreciate hearing the honest insights from Andy, Robyn and Dan. Thank you for sharing your perspectives no holds barred!

Mike, you absolutely glowed. I haven't seen you this full of joy, well, maybe never. And Diane, you have been a good and consistent friend to me. You looked fabulous as always. I love you sister! Sylvia, you are like Kim. You asked so bluntly, "So, when you coming back?" You are so cool (who'd have thunk that about a shrink!)

I have so missed seeing Ev, too. Such a father figure, with a sweet and gentle heart. Of course, it's always good to see Bob. We never felt rejected by you. And Ben, I will never forget that little dance move you had there at the reception. My, oh, my was your bum a shaking! An image I can't get out of my head now. Though we haven't always seen eye to eye on things, I love the person you are. And Annette, I hope you will see that though we are opposites in many of our perspectives, we are both needed to bring balance to each other and to the rest of the body. I hope we can become better friends. Russell and Lucy have always sought to stay in touch. You are so bright and witty, desiring the fullness to be expressed and experienced as we do. Don, I think you certainly have made a good choice in marriage partners. I hope to get to know Julie better in the days to come.

So hopefully, this will be a new beginning for us. We look forward to seeing you next week and in the following weeks thereafter. Happy New Year and Much Love to you all!

Altruism in Action

2006-12-31T08:30:00.000-05:00

"In The Inner World of Abraham Lincoln, biographer Michael Burlingame depicts the period in the the young Lincoln's life when he was rejected by a woman he had hoped to marry and was consumed by serious financial problems. Moreover, he had a childhood history of maternal loss and physical abuse. These factors added to his vulnerability at a difficult period in his life and caused him to suffer severe depression and become preoccupied with suicide.
Lincoln's friends were so concerned that they literally moved in and stayed up with him day and night, after removing knives and guns from his presence. He remained agitated, spoke as if delirious and was sleepless, with recurrent suicidal impulses. His friends maintained a constant vigil for a week or more until the crisis abated. Later, a friend invited Lincoln to live in his lodgings and paid his daily expenses as well as his law school tuition.
Gradually, Abraham Lincoln recovered and, despite other disappointments and depressive recurrences, was able to serve as the sixteenth president of the United States. Licoln held the nation together during the grave crisis of the Civil War--not bad for someone 'weak' enough to suffer suicidal depression!
Throughout his life, Abraham Lincoln exhibited many signs of continued high risk for suicide, including frequent recurrences of severe melancholic depression and suicidal ideation.
How did Lincoln survive well enough to be able to manifest such strength in the service of our nation? What enabled him to get through the periods of high sucide risk when medical and psychological treatment was unavailable? What seemed to be a major factor, as depicted in this biographical sketch of Lincoln, was his capacity to attract empathic and helpful friends and, most important, to accept their help in times of crisis." (New Hope For People With Bipolar Disorder by Jan Fawcett, M.D., Bernard Golden, Ph.D., and Nancy Rosenfeld)

This story of Lincoln's friends moves my heart ..the impact of their friendship affected the course of our nation's history! It is my hope in the new year, and those to come, that I will develop and mature into an altruistic vessel who walks in love and understanding of every person I encounter.